Sydny Miller

Community Spotlight

Recorded on June 21, 2025 by Eros Preston.

EP: Awesome. Welcome. Hello. Go ahead and introduce yourself.

SM: Hi. My name is Sydny. I am a nonbinary lesbian who is also on the aroace [aromantic asexual] spectrum.

EP: Me too!

SM: There’s so many different [labels], but nonbinary lesbian on the aroace spectrum is generally what I always go with. I always have lesbian memorabilia on me at all times.

EP: They [her bracelets] match your nails, too.

SM: Yeah. So, fun fact about the nails. My mother does my nails. And, like, I never officially ever came out to my parents. I feel like it's obvious, but I never came out to them. And so I was trying to tell her these colors without being like, it's the lesbian flag colors.

EP: Yeah.

SM: And then I was showing her different designs. She's like, okay, well, what specifically? And I was like, I can't tell you that. I want the lesbian flag design.

EP: Yeah.

SM: And so this is the closest that we got. And I was like, you know what? It's fine. I will let her know you appreciate them. She only does them for me and my sister. She refuses to do them for anybody else, but she always likes getting compliments.

SM: I also have lesbian socks on.

EP: Nice.

SM: I came prepared. I was like, I have to let people know at all times.

EP: Yeah.

EP: Can you tell us about your connection to Zionsville?

SM: My connection to the Whitestown/Zionsville area is I work here. I actually live in Broad Ripple, but I work here. I work at the Mayfield Memorial Public Library here in Whitestown. I also actually work at Moontown Brewing down the street, which is where I'm going after this. We have a comedy show tonight.

EP: That's exciting.

SM: [laughs] Maybe, maybe.

EP: Hopefully, it’s actually exciting.

SM: I heard he's extremely misogynistic.

EP: Oh, that’s not exciting.

SM: Yeah. I'm like, it's either going to be really funny and I'm gonna have a blast, or it's gonna be awful. I brought my book and I'm just gonna try and tune it out.

EP: Perfect.

SM: But yeah, I also work at Moontown Brewing part time. I have an undergrad in marketing from IUPUI [Indiana University Purdue University Indianapolis], and I'm actually going back for my master's degree in library science. Classes start in July again and then I basically have classes from July to Christmas.

EP: Are you doing it at IU Indy or IU Bloomington?

SM: IU Indy. It’s all online, so it doesn't necessarily matter. I do it from the desk that's in the corner of our living room. That's where I set up my laptop and I type away.

EP: Did you grow up in the area, or did you grow up outside?

SM: I actually grew up in Avon. So not super far away. It's where I've always just been. I moved to Castleton, and then I went back to Avon, Plainfield area. [My roommates and I] live in Broad Ripple now, and I honestly love living in Broad Ripple.

EP: Yeah.

SM: It’s interesting to work up here. I think it's a very interesting community.

EP: It sure is, yeah.

SM: I got slipped a hate note at the library, so that was fun.

EP: Oh! Yikes.

SM: Yeah. But also, I have a lot of people, you know, saying really nice things. And there’s lesbian couple that came in one time, and I have a little pin on my lanyard that's like it says lesbian, but it has a bee in the middle of it, so it says “les-bee-an.” My roommate gave it to me. It's one of my favorite pins. And they were ecstatic about that pin. They were so happy. And I was just like, oh, it's so...yippee!

EP: Finding your community in a place that’s…okayish.

SM: Yeah, finding your community. It's definitely an interesting place. I'm like, it's not my first choice, I don't think, but I do like parts of it. Like, I love Hattie’s [Coffee House]. It's nice. I really like it. I like working at Moon Town for the most part. I love working at the library. You know, the library is always going to be politically a struggle, but it's kind of how it is now.

EP: Can you tell me more about when you knew that you were part of the queer community? How did you figure that out?

SM: Oh, goodness gracious. So, I was friends with some people in high school where they were all very sure of their identities, which is a very funny thing to do in high school. They're all like, yes, I am definitely a lesbian. And I'm like, yeah, totally. But I remember specifically, one of my friends at the time was like, I can't be friends with straight people. And I had a weird panic moment where I was like, well, I can't be straight. And so I was like, well, I'm bisexual. Totally!

EP: Totally.

SM: I just kind of stuck with that for a while. Flash forward a bit of time. I saw this graph on TikTok that was explaining gender, and it was like X, Y, and Z axis. And I don't remember the specifics, but it was like X was gender performance. Y was identity and Z was like, how much you care, or something like that. And it was really interesting.

SM: It was a presentation about how you feel and then how much you really care. I was like, well, I present very fem. I typically really style things. I have a very pink strawberry bag. I like my hair a bit longer most of the time. I associate myself with more girly things, so I typically lean towards she/her. My pronouns are really any, by the way, but I typically lean towards she/her. And then I saw that graph and it was, yeah, you could still present fem and all of that stuff, but if you don't care, you don't care. And I was like, I genuinely don't care. I have no cares in the world about any pronouns that people use for me, because it's just like such the furthest thing from my mind. I have so much else to worry about.

EP: This is true.

SM: I'm like, I can't worry about gender. I have rent to make.

EP: Yeah. Gender, in this economy?

SM: Right? I'm like, absolutely not.

SM: But that's when I kind of had the realization that I kind of use whatever. And then I slowly came to the realization that, yeah, I do prefer they/them because I don't like being she/her’d specifically by people that are trying to put me in the box of a woman. Like maybe I identify more with that. But also, no, you don't get to do that. You don't. Not for you.

EP: Yeah.

SM: Because to my friends, I'm like, yeah, I don't care what you use. But if a random person says she/her, I'm like, actually, [no]. And then I remember one day we were all hanging out in our apartment, and I looked at my roommates and I was like, what if I started using he/him for the bit? Because I look the way that I look and I'm like, actually it's him. What if I did?

SM: I remember when I was very young, I was like, well, I feel really weird using he/him pronouns. And now I'm like, actually, yeah. Why not? It was very weird how that evolution of gender happened.

SM: And then I remember a little bit later after that, I was watching a D&D (Dungeons & Dragons) show. I remember being really annoyed by this male character that everyone loved in the show, but then the female characters, I was just like, yes, baby, precious, can't do anything wrong. And then I just sat for a minute. And then I went to the group chat and I was like, guys, I think I might be a lesbian.

EP: Honestly, really funny way to find out that you're gay, but also kind of an accurate way to find out that you're gay.

SM: Everyone is always like, oh yeah, it's the lesbian experience. There’s always going to be a fictional man that you adore. But if you put it into a reality situation, you would hate them. And I'm like, I can't even do that.

EP: Yeah.

SM: It was just such a weird thing because I definitely don't like being associated with men in a certain way, despite the fact that I use he/him pronouns. It's always a really confusing mix because I'm like, no, he/him. But I'm not a man. You can't view me as a man.

EP: He/him for the bit.

SM: Yes, he/him for the bit.

EP: You need to understand that if you're going to use those pronouns.

SM: Yes! Yeah. I appreciate that because me and my friends also do a lot of online role-playing with our original characters that we make up. And every time I've tried to make a man, I just never use him. So much so that we revamped the entire plot.

EP: [laughs] Yeah, yeah.

EP: Well, you just told me that you enjoy Dungeons & Dragons and roleplaying. Do you have any other hobbies?

SM: My main hobby is Dungeons & Dragons.

EP: Me too, kind of.

SM: I love that. I run two D&D programs at the library, currently one for adults and one for teens.

EP: Maybe I should check those out. I didn't know they existed.

SM: You should.

SM: I'm thinking of probably adding one for the tweens starting next year. So, I'm doing three D&D programs at the library. I'm the only D&D person because everyone keeps asking me about it and I'm like, guys, I only have so much time in my day. I am one person. They’re like, oh, we have so many kids that want to join. I can do ten max.

EP: And that's a lot of kids, especially for a D&D game.

SM: Yeah, that is stretching my limits as a DM, because over the summer we're doing a long form D&D campaign rather than one-shots that I usually do. And the kids love it. They're so obsessed, and I'm very happy that they love it. They’re insane players.

SM: I also play D&D all the time with my friends. There’s five of us in the friend group and we each have a campaign and we just rotate what game we're playing at any given point.

EP: That sounds really fun.

SM: It's a lot of fun. We’re all online, so I'm working on doing one IRL [in real life] with a couple people, which will be very fun. But most of my free time is either reading books or D&D and sometimes reading books about D&D.

SM: I read a lot of books. I mean, I feel like it's a given, given what my job is.

EP: Yeah.

SM: I'm in, like, five book clubs. I read an average of six books a month, probably. And I consider myself a giant nerd. I watch a lot of Five Nights at Freddy's. The Secret of the Mimic just came out, so me and my roommates have been obsessing over that.

SM: I watch a lot of different TV shows and stuff like that, but my two mains will always be reading and D&D.

EP: Yeah, two good hobbies to have. I'm not biased at all.

EP: I think that was all the questions I had for you. Do you have one final message to share with the world? If you could influence the world with one thing.

SM: I feel like the best advice that I can ever give anybody is just do what makes yourself happy. Don't try to please everybody. Yeah. And that includes, you know, your sexuality, your gender. That includes who you're hanging around with, that includes what you're doing in your life. Once I took charge and got out of a job that I hated at the time and started being a librarian, which I absolutely love, and I started prioritizing my own mental health and what I wanted to do first rather than what people wanted me to do, I got a lot happier.

SM: And also, try and find community where you are. Even if you don't plan on staying. Because I spent a lot of time thinking of the future, but I never connected to anybody around me. And then I stopped doing that and started connecting. And it's just been so, so nice.

SM: Like, I don't think I'll stay in Indiana forever, but as of right now, I love where I'm at.

EP: Yeah. So like you were saying, even if you live in a kind of dubious state, if you surround yourself with a good community then it doesn't suck so much.

SM: Absolutely. Yeah.

EP: That is a good message. Thank you for speaking with me.

SM: Of course.

Parts of this interview have been edited for length or clarity.